Photo Credit: Lonnon Foster || Oh no! The cookie jar is empty!

(This is another of my occasional experiments. I know it’s not perfect. Please bear with me.)

James: Can I have a cookie?

Accountant: That’s not the right way to ask.

J: I did not know an accountant could be a grammarian as well. MAY I have a cookie?

A: Sorry, there are no cookies left in the jar.

J: I thought there were always cookies in the jar. I saw some people eating cookies recently.

A: Well, they may have gotten cookies via side agreements.

J: Side-agreements? What are those?

A: You know the cookie rules?

J: Uh ,no. What are they?

A: Listen then:

• I gather the money for cookies each year from everyone.
• I use the money to buy cookies, usually around 950 of them.
• The amount that actually arrives varies — sometimes more, sometimes less, rarely near 950, but on average 950.
• Some want more cookies than received, and they enter into side agreements to request early delivery of cookies from future years. The catch is that the cookie merchant can demand immediate repayment at his whim. He tends to be lenient, but occasionally demands full repayment.
• The side agreements are supposed to be deposited in the cookie jar when it is empty.
• Side agreements get called in in order from the most recent to the oldest.

A: My purchase of cookies for 2021 paid off side agreements entered into in 2015 for cookies fronted then.

J: Can I do a side-agreement? I would like some cookies.

A: Wouldn’t we all. Look, the Cookie Merchant calls in the side agreements newest first. Are you ready to repay if he calls on you? Do have the resources?

J: Not really, but I do want a cookie.

A: No such thing as a free cookie. Hmm… let’s look at the jar. Yes, here is the most recent side agreement that I remember– in 2017, fronting the cookies from 2024 through 2026.

J: What’s that under the jar?

A: What do you mean under the…. ehhh, what is this? A 2019 side-agreement fronting cookies from 2027 and 2028? Urk, I wish I had known this,

J: It looks like there’s two more under that.

A: Uh, a 2020 side-agreement fronting cookies from 2029 and 2030, and a 2021 side-agreement fronting cookies from 2031 and 2032. My this is bad.

J: What’s so bad?

A: I wasn’t the accountant for this back then, but the last time cookies were fronted 11 years ahead was 1999. In 2000-2002 the cookie merchant started calling in the side-agreements like mad.

J: So there are no cookies?

A: No cookies without extreme risk.

J: I wish I had a cookie… but no.

A: Would you like a cracker? I may have some of those.

J: I could be interested.

A: We get only 500 of these per year on average, and the side-agreements aren’t as thick. Let me look in the cracker tin. It seems you are in the right place at the right time. There are side-agreements fronting crackers from 2022 through 2025, but I have 100 crackers remaining out of the 2021 allotment. Have a cracker.

J: Thanks. Umm… that’s a good cracker. Not as good as a cookie, but still good.

A: I’m glad you liked it. Supposedly back in the early 1980s the cookie jar and cracker tin were filled to overflowing, but nobody wanted any.

J: I would always want a cookie. Are you sure you don’t have any?

A: Aside from domestic cookies and crackers, we do have some foreign cookies and crackers as well. They aren’t as popular because of the unusual tastes, and payment must be made in another currency, adding to uncertainty. Oddly, in this case, many foreign crackers have a large number of side-agreements, but the foreign cookies have almost none.

J: Could I try a foreign cookie then?

A: Of course you could. [Pulls jar off shelf.] Reach in and pull out a cookie.

J: It crackles. Hey, this is a fortune cookie.

A: Well, eat it and read the fortune.

J: Typically, I throw the fortune away, because I don’t believe in luck.

A: Well, you ended up with a cookie by favorable circumstances, so humor me, and read it to me for my sake.

J: [Eats cookie.] Okay.

“Contemplate cookies

Eat and observe tiny crumbs

The cookies are gone”

Fortune cookie

J: Wait, this was a fortune cookie, and it had a haiku inside it. This is bizarre.

A: Almost as bizarre as our domestic cookie deficit. I would say that fortune cookie was the most honest that I have heard.

J: I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.